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The Art of Sleeping Alone: Why One French Woman Suddenly Gave Up Sex Paperback – August 5, 2014

by Sophie Fontanel (Author)

75 ratings

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In a provocative memoir, the bestselling French novelist and iconic editor of French Elle describes her years of self-imposed celibacy—why she did it and how it changed her perspective: “A searching investigation into the power of no…a sophisticated bagatelle of a volume” (Dwight Garner, The New York Times).

After many years of having (and mostly enjoying) an active sex-life, Sophie Fontanel—beloved French author, journalist, editor, and fashion blogger—decided she wanted to take a break. Despite having a glamorous job, plenty of dates and boyfriends, stylish clothes, parties to attend, she wasn’t happy and wanted more. Sophie chose to give up her sex life, shocking her friends and colleagues. But what she discovers about herself is truly liberating and raises a number of questions about the expectations of our society. Going beyond the body, her thoughts on what it means to find happiness and fulfillment are inspiring.

As Sophie experiences being the only single person at dinner parties, weekend getaways, and summer vacations, she muses on what it means to find happiness and fulfillment alone, stringing “together her narrative in a series of lyrical vignettes…No one has written so sumptuously about celibacy” (The Daily Beast). Lovely and illuminating, The Art of Sleeping Alone, a major bestseller in France, offers an alternative take on modern-day conventions, making this a compelling read for anyone who has chosen to do things a little differently. As Vanity Fair says: “Leave it to a Frenchwoman to convert even giving up sex into an elegant gesture.”

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A searching investigation into the power of no... a sophisticated bagatelle of a volume, filled with detours to exotic locales." -- Dwight Garner ― The New York Times

"Fontanel knows a thing or two about seduction.” -- The Wall Street Journal

About the Author

Sophie Fontanelhas been an editor at Elle France for more than a decade. A novelist and essayist, she lives in Paris. The Art of Sleeping Alone is her first book to be published in English.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

With my elbows propped on the safety bar of the lift chair, I was raised up to where I just knew the sky would be blue, with fog slipping away like a skin skimmed from milk. I was looking at fir trees, mountaintops, immaculate planes of solid colors, and I was thinking: I want to find this calm for myself. As for the kind I’d already evaluated from personal experience, meaning the matchless scouring performed by sex, well, that no longer interested me. I’d had it with being taken and rattled around. I’d had it with handing myself over. I’d said yes too much. I hadn’t taken into account the tranquility my body required.

Realizing that I wasn’t listening, my body had begun to speak up. Before this winter getaway, a certain resistance had intensified within me. In the privacy of my body, every atom of my being was walling itself off, yet I couldn’t do a thing about it. I had trouble unclenching my fists and strained to open my palms flat against the sheet, only to have them curl shut an instant later. For weeks, I’d been obliged to shake my head at whatever my lover proposed. He was growing impatient. I made an effort. This lover thought I was giving when I was actually conceding. He believed I was capitulating when I was really calculating how to end the experience as quickly as possible. I’d become a paltry possession for the man who thought he had me in his power. I noticed his air of suspicion; he grew less and less sure of his spoils. He reminded me of those people who try to grab you in a fight but wind up holding your sweater while you race off, arms flailing.

I had run, run, to reach the ski resort. As soon as I got there, I bought a ski suit instead of just pants; I felt safe inside an outfit that was so hard to get off. The hotel was at the very top of the ski lift; when that stopped running at four in the afternoon, the place became a high-plains desert. It was the off-season: there were three of us at the hotel, including the owner, Jonas. My host had worshipped Johnny Hallyday ever since he was a kid, and as he served me he was listening to “Longing,” his pop idol’s 1986 hit. “The mountain saps self-confidence,” Jonas remarked, as if to put me on my guard.

He couldn’t have cared less about the fresh air. He complained about not meeting any women at such a high altitude, and going out for the evening required taking the snowmobile and coming back up again later in complete darkness, ten times more alone, drunk, and frozen stiff. His frustration amazed me. Personally, I thought it was delightful to be far from other people. And to sing about longing only for the horizon. To have the creaking of snow for my sole companion. Jonas saw things differently. He’d had no female company for three years. “I’m turning into a goat,” he said, adding three logs—more than necessary—to the fireplace. Such roaring blazes were his revenge on monotony. He paid me a few compliments that first evening. Proof, suddenly, of our isolation. Tanned, athletic, Jonas was a former chasseur alpin, a soldier in the elite mountain infantry of the French army, and he had those pale eyes mountain folk tend to have. Untouched by the elements, the skin below his neck was white, and if I’d wanted I could have had a closer look; he would certainly have shown me. When it occurred to me—a reflex—that going to bed with this man might be a possibility, the mere thought sent my body into lockdown. It was out of the question: my whole being was slamming shut. I remembered the time I was doing a crossword puzzle in Le Monde and had such trouble coming up with the word “portcullis.” At that moment, though, it popped right into my head.

I left Jonas and went off to my room. I thought about Paris, and what I’d escaped from, and that evening’s escape as well. I opened the window onto the blackness I knew was so white. I breathed. . . . With the snow all around, my destiny seemed to me like an Eden sweet with birdsong. My life would be soft and fluffy. I was through with being had.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribner
Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 5, 2014
Edition ‏ : ‎ Translation
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 160 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1451696280
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1451696288
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 4.8 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.7 x 8 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #1,531,289 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #4,790 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #5,937 in Traveler & Explorer Biographies
- #11,096 in Women's Biographies

Customer Reviews:
75 ratings

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Customers find the book to be a fascinating read. The writing style receives mixed feedback, with some describing it as beautifully written while others find it poorly executed. The book's length receives criticism for being very short, and customers express disappointment with its value for money.

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Readability Writing style Insight Value for money Book length

6 customers mention "Readability"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book to be a fascinating read.

"Great book - questions the way that we look at sex and sexuality and how that plays a role in our identity...." Read more

"This was an interesting read, but not as coherent as I would have thought. It's more like a memoir...." Read more

"...Really enjoyed reading this book. I could benefit many women to read." Read more

"This was a good read and I recomend it. Growing up in the sexual revolution its easy to forget the other side of that coin is valid." Read more

9 customers mention "Writing style"6 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the writing style of the book, with some finding it beautifully written while others criticize it.

"...It is wonderful to read something that is so well written. The content - a terrific series of vignettes - is insightful...." Read more

"...I found the prose too flowery and vague...." Read more

"...It is also a very humorous, artful and beautifully written story." Read more

"...I gave 2 stars instead of 1 because the author does know how to write...." Read more

7 customers mention "Insight"4 positive3 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the book's insight, with one finding it insightful while another expresses disappointment with its lack of organization and coherence.

"...The content - a terrific series of vignettes - is insightful...." Read more

"...It was written beautifully. However, I was disappointed with the lack of organization and overall insight that was offered by the author...." Read more

"...I wonder if it took any longer to write. The thesis is interesting and there might be up to three or maximum four very brief places in the entire..." Read more

"This was an interesting read, but not as coherent as I would have thought. It's more like a memoir...." Read more

9 customers mention "Value for money"0 positive9 negative

Customers express dissatisfaction with the book's value for money, describing it as disappointing and a waste of money, with one customer noting it lacks significant content.

"This is a completely worthless book. The book has about 150 pages but close to 30 are empty, used for opening new chapters, or separating fragments...." Read more

"Disappointing. I don't think her experience is all that terribly unusual...." Read more

"...meditating she did on the subject, in the end there was no revelation or self-discovery, or at the very least, progress of character...." Read more

"...Poor story development & almost zero plot... Just plain wierd (usually don't mind wierd) & boreing. Sorry I spent the money." Read more

4 customers mention "Book length"0 positive4 negative

Customers note that the book is very short.

"...The book consists of several very short fragments ("chapters"?), most of them without any significant content...." Read more

"...This book was very short, possibly thankfully so...." Read more

"...It seemed to be scattered, confusing & it was very short. I felt like the author was trying too hard to make it artsy & intellectual...." Read more

"...It is not. The book consists of short chapters, each one separate from the others (it's not a linear story)...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

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yellowrose
Lost in Translation
Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2015
Verified Purchase

Translators have a very difficult job. Oftentimes the true intent of a story is lost when translating it from one language to another. I'm afraid that may be what happened in this book, starting with the title. I never got the sense of why the author, a French woman, "suddenly" gave up sex. Her younger years were "frisky", starting with a seduction when she was in her early teens and she didn't know how to say no. And it didn't seem to be a matter of waking up one morning in her 30s and deciding she didn't want intimacy with anyone except on a platonic level; it was a gradual realization. I was attracted to this topic because I have lost interest in sexual intimacy and I wanted to learn how others dealt with this issue. I am in my 60s, so you might say that I, like many older women, lose interest. True, but I also have had surgery which might have affected my libido. But in this age of limitless communication, I have come across people of all ages who don't have an interest in sexual matters. Many call themselves "asexuals" and want to be included in the LGBT club. Point is, we're not stuck for all time in any particular group. We are all in a state of flux, transformation, mutation, morphing, shape shifting, whatever. The author has discovered this by the end of her story. It's certainly a topic that can generate more discussion. Not having an interest in sexual matters is not unnatural, it is one of the paths some follow.

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5 people found this helpful

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Dicere
Truly a joy
Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2013
Verified Purchase
The translation is beautiful. It is wonderful to read something that is so well written. The content - a terrific series of vignettes - is insightful. I've come away from this book with the conclusion that sex, in and of itself, has never really been the issue - it's about finding yourself and being true to yourself, despite opposition. "If it harms none, do what you will."
I really enjoy it. Almost worth the exorbitant price this particular publisher puts on ebooks.

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7 people found this helpful

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Witold
worthless
Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2014
Verified Purchase
This is a completely worthless book. The book has about 150 pages but close to 30 are empty, used for opening new chapters, or separating fragments. The book consists of several very short fragments ("chapters"?), most of them without any significant content. One can read the entire book in about one hour. I wonder if it took any longer to write. The thesis is interesting and there might be up to three or maximum four very brief places in the entire production when it becomes funny or even slightly interesting. As a whole, it seems though that the book shouldn't have appeared in print at all. Not worth the resources involved, or people's time.

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3 people found this helpful

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SharonR
Get real
Reviewed in the United States on September 11, 2013
Verified Purchase
since I am no longer in high school or college i have stopped doing book reviews.
Loved this book. Period. Whether I liked or disliked this book is irrelevant. What I dislike is being asked to review it- and -from now on in I won't review. I opt out of reviewing.

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One person found this helpful

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Henry Le Nav
Disappointing
Reviewed in the United States on August 20, 2013
Verified Purchase
Disappointing. I don't think her experience is all that terribly unusual. Many people go through periods of abstention, usually not as long, and usually not self enforced.

Caution Spoiler:

Her story struck me as though she grew weary of and her body rejected being used by men who did not love her but found her a convenient lover. I believe that she was tired of being an appliance. I can understand her desire to get away from that situation, in fact I think it was noble of her to do so. If a situation is not fulfilling one's happiness then they should endeavor to change. Take a vacation from men, and leave loveless sex forever. But then it struck me that rather than trying to find a meaningful loving relationship, she just seemed to take much smug satisfaction at being the odd woman out and watching her friends scramble to fix her life, while their own were so obviously full of faults. So after quite some period of time she began to feel "insinuating vibrations" and the book ends with her starting an affair with a married man. Perhaps all she wants from life are on and off periods of loveless sex. It struck me that she wasted her sexual prime trying to prove some point to herself and her friends, but in the end what ever that point was, she didn't seem to learn it very well.

End of Spoiler

This book was very short, possibly thankfully so. It is divided up into short vignettes that I invariably found were just starting to get interesting and I would flip the page to find that it ended two or three sentences later. It seemed to be written with some artsy Victorian modesty that implied much but told very little. I found the prose too flowery and vague. Its not 1850, so there is no need to appeal to the delicate sensibilities regarding subjects not suitable for mixed company.

My biggest disappointment with this book was that I was hoping to learn something and it didn't happen. I spent my teens and early 20s mostly in a state of celibate longing for love and intertwined with that love, sexual intimacy. When I found it, I regretted the time that was squandered. I didn't like sleeping alone, and I was hoping for something that would shed a positive light on her experience. If there was a lesson in the human condition to be had here, it went over my head.

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19 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

justanonlooker
A secret case study of the heart
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 15, 2014
Verified Purchase

I found this book sophisticated in its story telling, intimacy and accuracy. It is structured beautifully, one chapter per 'encounter,' portraying such an honesty of feeling and sensitivity of emotion that it was almost a comfort to read. For anyone on the quiet side of life, this book is rich to share about experience of love, life and relationships. It was a pleasure to read and I think it is an honour that someone can write so frankly and openly.

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Rosemarie Wiley
Not a lot of substance!
Reviewed in Australia on April 15, 2014
Verified Purchase
Thought the book didn't contain a lot of substance. Understood her reasons but it became boring after awhile as you read about her conquests and reasons for sleeping with men. I wanted more of in depth comment it was really frivolous I thought.

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gina
Alone does not mean being lonely
Reviewed in France on November 30, 2013
Verified Purchase
This is the whole punch of the book: how does one get to sleep alone without feeling lonely?
It entices one to assess whether by not giving into flesh, one can grow wiser and conserve its preciousness....

Fotanel's coincidences are mine too and it hence gives me a higher feeling of intimacy, of having shared and started at me while reading!

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tula riemersma
a book I disliked
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 9, 2013
Verified Purchase
I did not like it at all. I thought it would have had more psychological explanation about sleeping alone. it had only some short stories I did not particularly thought interesting. I regret having bought it and it warned to always have a look in the bookshop first.

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juliet
Bookworm
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 29, 2013
Verified Purchase
This was brought for my daughter who is now in uni and loves reading and requested this be one of her many Christmas presents. The condition of the book was excellent and value for money. I would recommend ordering books from this company again.

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The Art of Sleeping Alone: Why One French Woman Suddenly Gave Up Sex Paperback – August 5, 2014

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About the Author

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

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Top reviews from the United States

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3.0 out of 5 stars Lost in Translation

5.0 out of 5 stars Truly a joy

1.0 out of 5 stars worthless

4.0 out of 5 stars Get real

2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars A secret case study of the heart

3.0 out of 5 stars Not a lot of substance!

4.0 out of 5 stars Alone does not mean being lonely

2.0 out of 5 stars a book I disliked

5.0 out of 5 stars Bookworm

Lost in Translation

Truly a joy

worthless

Get real

Disappointing

A secret case study of the heart

Not a lot of substance!

Alone does not mean being lonely

a book I disliked

Bookworm